oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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