Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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