Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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