brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
