I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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