I'm going to jail i love you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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