I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
