Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
