I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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