I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
