I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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