I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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