I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just invented taco cereal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
