what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
