The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
its not stalking. its research.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
