My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
