WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
