your parents love me but you hate me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
