I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
