So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dick has a subreddit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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