Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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