now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
