I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found puke in my bra..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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