I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
