Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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