How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can I color on your dick again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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