this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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