Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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