I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
