your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
