I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
