ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
