He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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