My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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