Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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