It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
