Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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