he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
