just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
