You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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