Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
