I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
