the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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