Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
