So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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