you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
