Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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