Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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