Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
