giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
