So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
