i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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