Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
