sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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